Lady Gaga Struggled to Accept Abuse Survivor Status

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Courtesy of WENN Newsdesk

Lady Gaga broke down during her Oscars rehearsals because she had difficulty accepting she was a sexual abuse survivor.

The “Poker Face” singer, who previously revealed she was raped at the age of 19, performed her track “Til It Happens To You,” from college rape documentary The Hunting Ground, at the Oscars on Sunday.

She was joined onstage by 50 other sexual abuse survivors, who had phrases like, “Not your fault,” “Unbreakable,” and “Survivor” scribbled on their forearms, which they raised in unison at the end of the song.

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Gaga has now admitted she was an emotional mess ahead of the big show, because she struggled to accept that she was a survivor too.

“The first day of rehearsal with all the survivors I could barely get myself together,” she wrote on Instagram. “My body was wrecked with inflammation and pain, crying and shaking the whole walk to the stage. The whole night before I did not sleep. The fear of knowing I would finally face that I belonged in that group. I told them I was so sorry I couldn’t be Lady Gaga for them, that I couldn’t even get dressed. I could barely get through the song, couldn’t hit any of the high notes.”

The first day of rehearsal with all the survivors I could barely get myself together. My body was wrecked with inflammation and pain, crying and shaking the whole walk to the stage. The whole night before I did not sleep. The fear of knowing I would finally face that I belonged in that group. I told them I was so sorry I couldn’t be Lady Gaga for them, that I couldn’t even get dressed. I could barely get through the song, couldn’t hit any of the high notes. Hair wet, sloppy tee shirt jeans uggs, tissues. They all hugged me and told me that it was okay because it was more real this way, that they understood that they were in pain too. They told me they were there for me to support me because they believed this message needed to be heard. Without them I never could have felt strong. They accepted me for me, at my lowest and that was good enough for them, so somehow through the magic of their courage they made it good enough for me too.

A photo posted by Lady Gaga (@ladygaga) on

She explains the group of survivors hugged her and showed her nothing but support, because they knew she was feeling their pain.

“Without them I never could have felt strong,” she adds. “They accepted me for me, at my lowest and that was good enough for them, so somehow through the magic of their courage they made it good enough for me too.”

Lady Gaga received widespread praise from her performance from fans and celebrities alike, including Kesha, who is currently embroiled in an ongoing sexual abuse lawsuit against producer Dr. Luke.

Actress Jaime King also appeared to come forward with her secret past as a child abuse survivor with a telling post on Instagram, which featured a photo of herself as a teenager.

“Thank you for the switch that went off inside finally when I realized my silence said I cannot help nor change and that is not who I am,” she wrote. “I love you all very much for creating a safe space. The time is now. I was about 14 here, it started at 12. Peace Be Still.”

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